“Every man has his own courage, and is betrayed because he seeks in himself the courage of other persons.”
I am tempted to follow up this quote with a post that reads, simply, “just be yourself.” Brevity, however, is not one of my strong points. Nor is the depth of my feeling on this topic a shallow pool. This blog came into being as a result of and as a reaction to the rampant apathy toward personal responsibility and individual character that I encounter on a day to day basis. Occasionally, on a minute to minute basis. When did we all become so horribly guilty to be ourselves that even the tragically unique facets of our culture have turned into a homogeneous emo glob?
We essentially have one job in this life: to navigate from the beginning to the end in a way that reflects the truth of the person we are. As we go, elements beyond our control, both people and circumstances, move against us and with us in an emotional Brownian motion. We are touched continually by these outside influences, and we learn from them, but when did it become a rule that we have to BE them? Or that they be us?
Courage is simply a decision that what you want is more important than the fear surrounding it. The desires of my heart and the desires of everyone else’s, if we’re all honest with ourselves, are entirely unique things. Therefore the strength required to achieve ourselves is also entirely unique. Achieving someone else’s standards means little if we are personally left unfulfilled. Or for that matter, overwhelmed.
Seek your own truth today. Find the courage to follow it.
“And the colored girls go do-de-do, de-do-de-do, do-do-de-do, de-do ….”
How do we find the truth within ourselves? For example, I feel like I have the power to do many many things well and wonder how am I to choose the best one for me? Or are there others that are good enough that I can still be happy, not necessarily orgasm happy but more than content if you know what I mean. I am enjoying reading your blog and hope that some of your words will influence me in a positive way.
Welcome aboard, JB. Glad to have you.
Your comment has the potential to spawn MULTIPLE bog posts as a response but everything I have to say will come back to a single starting point: ask questions of yourself and actually listen to your own answers. Not everyone else’s answers, yours. We all know the “square peg, round hole” cliche. We know when something doesn’t fit, and doesn’t feel right, so take the next step and ask yourself “why?”
My best friend has a quote on his desktop that asks, “what would you do if you knew you could not fail?” When I ask myself this question I, like you, come up with many many options. After whittling a few of the options away based on purely practical considerations (as tone deaf as I am I’m just never gonna’ be a rock star, dammit) I start in again with the “why’s?” Always look for the motivations behind what you do, then actually do something and commit to it. If you determine you would good at either Job A or Job B, then opt for Job A then let A either please you or disappoint you based on it’s own merits and yours. B is no longer a consideration. Keep in mind what’s “best for you,” like life in general, is always in motion. Finding truth is not a one time deal, so much as a lifetime process.
Overwhelmed with my ability to make short stories long yet? ;o) Hang around…
Listening for what though? How I feel when I’m doing something, when I’ve finished doing something or am I way off track here? This is part of my life that I’m working on and at times struggling with as it doesn’t strike me as clear cut as say Computer Science or Mathematics where there is more certainty in dealing with challenges or problems or however one wants to describe what happens in our lives to move us from place to place. Part of me enjoys being this fountain of knowledge on many a subject from a knowledge/trivia perspective while for some philosophical things I’m still trying to work my way out of the toddler stage.
There’s no black and white answer for what you’re “listening for.” It’s not a specific phrase that will drop out of your consciousness and say, “hey, I’ve arrived at the pinnacle of my happiness.” However, yeah, you’re on the right track simply by asking “how do I feel when _______ ?” Then ask yourself why you feel that way and so on. Just keep digging.
Think about your current job. Ask yourself, “how do I feel about getting up and going to work each morning?” Simple question. A few thoughts are going to float through your head, anything from, “I really like my job, I’m content,” to, “I really can’t stand it.” You’ll ask yourself, “hmm, what are a few of the things that I can’t stand?” The answer may be, “well, I really like the work itself, but the boss is a pain.” “What can I do about that?” “I can quit, or figure out how to get along with him.” “What are the consequences of quitting?” “Could I handle being without income while I look for something else?” “No.” “Damn.” “What do I have to do to try and make my relationship with the boss better?” “How do I feel about…” and so on and so forth.
Honestly, screw the specifics to start out with, just start asking questions. Don’t look for a specific answer, just listen to the free flow of thought coming from your own head. You’ll start to see patterns in your motivation, what feelings lead you to results that make you feel good and what feelings lead you to do things that backfire on you. As your motivation becomes clearer, your stress goes down and your confidence in decision making on a “philosophical” level, as you say, goes up.